Over on AMC’s Film Critic, I recently listed some of the best animated movies based on comic books and graphic novels. This one was particularly fun, as I got to discuss When the Wind Blows, a little-seen British animated film from the ’80s that is quite possibly the most depressing movie of all time.

I rented the movie on VHS many years ago (it still isn’t available on Region 1 DVD, probably due to music clearance issues and/or protests by suicide prevention groups), and it still haunts me to this day. Based on a graphic novel by Raymond Briggs (author of the equally sad, but in a more traditional children’s book sort of way novel The Snowman), When the Wind Blows is basically 80 minutes of an adorable British couple slowly dying from radiation poisoning.

Things start innocuously enough (the gentle satire of marital bliss recalls George and Martha, but without hippos), but within twenty minutes, the Russians have carpet-bombed the UK on a level usually reserved for the most post-apocalyptic of science fiction movies and it’s all way, way downhill from there.

“Looks like nuclear fallout again today. Best put the kettle on, luv.”

At first, James and Hilda go about their day-to-day routine inside their homemade bomb shelter, secure in their belief that the government will provide food and supplies in the wake of the devastating nuclear attack. As Vincent Canby points out in his NY Times review, the filmmakers take the Brits’ penchant for stoicism in the face of tragedy to comically absurd lengths. (When it gets to the point where James is telling Hilda that the government will protect them while trying to keep his skin from falling off, you have to think that maybe Briggs and co. are laying their point on just a tad thick.)

Briggs (who penned the screenplay) and director Jimmy Murakami seem to be taking swipes at Britain’s post-WWII patriotism and the perils of blind faith in government during the Thatcher era. At the same time, it’s somewhat mean-spirited to aim that broadsided attack squarely at a cuddly elderly couple. I get it: the older generation is out of touch and places too much faith in their leaders. It’s the sort of smug sentiment beloved by pretentious college students who’ve just discovered the works of Kurt Vonnegut and Pink Floyd, and unfortunately dates an otherwise moving film.

“‘Remain calm. Your government will save you. England prevails.’ Well, that’s good enough for me. How’s that kettle coming, luv?”

Therefore, it should come as no surprise that the whole thing is scored by Roger Waters. Much like The Wall, there are scenes in When the Wind Blows that combine live-action wartime footage with animation to heavy-handed effect. (No giant hammers wrecking havoc on barren farmlands, thankfully.) Songs by Bowie, Genesis, and a completely out of place Squeeze also show up, but Waters’ contributions are mostly what the film is remembered for.

When the Wind Blows is often compared to Grave of Fireflies, another gut-wrenching animated movie about the victims of nuclear war. Fireflies is by far the superior film, in that it doesn’t feature two elderly people dying in the most agonizing way possible for 85% of its running time. While the voice acting and character animation propel it to the level of art, the script’s clunky message and unbearably grim tone keep When the Wind Blows firmly planted in its time. (As a hyperbolic cautionary tale, it’s second only to the classic perils-of-nuclear-war propaganda film The Day After.) The melding of hand-drawn animation and photo-realistic backgrounds haven’t exactly aged well either. (It’s difficult to claim that anything Ralph Bakshi was already doing in 1975 as “cutting edge.”)

That said, When the Wind Blows easily tops any list of the most depressing animated films of all time. Watership Down? Plague Dogs? Bebe’s Kids? Kid’s stuff compared to the unrelenting grimness of watching two moon-faced elderly Brits die slow, agonizing deaths all while believing that hope will knock on their door at any moment.

“Heaven looks awfully barren this time of year, luv. Did I leave the kettle on?”

(Note the David Bowie song in the opening footage, a synth-heavy ditty that wouldn’t have been out of place on the Labyrinth soundtrack.)

(Thanks to the awesome animation blog The Ink and Pixel Club for the link!)